Cupcake’s Addiction
The first time I did it, it was pay back after mom sprayed me with a water bottle. I was gently asleep on a pile of sweaters in the master bedroom’s closet, and was dreaming of sparrows and how fast those devils fly away when you’re just about to pounce on them. Just imagine being woken up by a cold shower. Totally unprovoked. I hissed and ran away, and as I was doing so, I heard her laugh. She thought that was funny! That cruel, deceitful, good for nothing baboon! I vowed then and there to take revenge. Please note that I could have returned that night and sprayed her precious sweaters with a concoction of my own. But I didn’t. Instead, I went to the bathroom and sank my claws in the toilet paper. I was so upset I unrolled the whole darn thing before I knew what I was doing. It was, I must admit, very… soothing. And playing with toilet rolls is also an awesome physical exercise! You have to sit on your hind legs to reach it, and both front paws have to work in harmony to pull out the entire roll in record time. It’s a bit tricky, and you have to proceed carefully not to brake the toilet paper. Once all of it is on the bathroom floor, you can start shredding it into a million confetti. You can then roll in those delicious things, make them fly, spread them all over the place. You can re-enact the first snow fall, even in the middle of the summer. Fun, eh?
As I was saying, the first time this happened, I was angry. But I had so much fun at it that I repeated the operation in the guest bathroom the next day. The following day, I hit the kids bathroom, and two days later, I returned to the master bathroom. Well, as was expected, she yelled a lot, and called me names that have nothing endearing. She declared that all bathroom doors ought to be shut at all times. Hard to implement though when you have kids. Someone always forgets to shut the bathroom door, especially at night. Mom started reprimanding the children for being careless. Poor things. She even yelled at papa because he left the toilet seat up and the bathroom door wide open. They got into a fierce argument that night, and mom told papa to go sleep on the sofa. Good thing I was there to cuddle with him that night!
I know… I know… I no longer have a reason to get back at mom. To tell you the truth, I just cannot control myself anymore. I do understand that this is becoming an annoying habit that would surely lead me to the pound if it weren’t for papa and the children shielding me from mom’s wrath. I am an addict. I know it. I just don’t know what to do about it. It’s like the toilet rolls are taunting me and calling my name: “Cupcake! Cupcake!!” (that’s my name). I just can’t resist! Last night, after they all went to bed, I tried real hard to stay away from the bathrooms. I really tried! I was resting on the kitchen counter, when I caught sight of the paper towels sitting there, a few whiskers from me. What can I say… Even catnip does not have that effect on me… Now that the roll has been shredded to smithereens, I am sitting there contemplating whether I should exit through the doggy door before mama wakes up and make myself scarce for a few days, or go hide in papa’s office (where she never sets foot) and take a long nap while the tempest blows. By evening, mama will be busy with dinner, and papa will be back to protect my hide.
Ulla Katz, “Cupcake,” Original Oil on Canvas. https://www.katzscats.com/shop/
